The beauty of a new year is that many of us assume something in the clock striking 12 is going to change the whole game. There is nothing to say that it won't, but there is this reality that if you redo your room, buy a new planner, and decide this year you are actually going to attend the gym you've belonged to for however many months or years, in the end you are still you. Am I trying to ever-so-lovingly tell you to give up now because you're destined to repeat the same story? Absolutely not! But what I am saying is that we are prone to invest time, effort, energy, and a whole lot of dollar bills into setting the stage for the optimal environment for growth- as long as it is outside of ourselves.

I genuinely feel like I have grown more in the past 3 years than in all the years preceding them cumulatively. I have shocked even myself with what I was willing to do and I became a student and eagerly sought to understand things I had never contemplated before. If I could boil it down into one word I would say that I became curious. Like that sweet monkey George, I discovered that the gift isn't in the image, the hustle, or the achievements. But instead the gift lies inside the skin I live in. After scrambling for years to discover who my tribe is and how to not only discover them, but tie them down in a blood oath to ensure both security and comfort, I have come to see that it matters not who I connect with or surround myself with if I am not in fact a fan of myself.

I was raised in a system that encouraged us to always be more and do more. And part of that would make a really inspiring movie, but that's only because it would be 90-120 minutes. To live this programing was in fact the most exhausting thing I have ever experienced. The baseline assumption, whether spoken or simply implied, is that you are not enough. So get hustlin’. After 45ish years on the planet trying to firm up at every turn and do better and be better I began to fade. I was not winning friends and influencing people... I was just tired.

Then came the single best thing I have ever done... I stopped assuming I knew what I needed to know to be my "best self". If the system you have been living in says that the peace is just after the next finish line, but that line always keeps moving farther and farther out, then you become stuck in the hustle and you only feel okay if you are striving for more. I began to watch how I lived and it became clear that I had zero skill at resting. I could not sit and read a book, or take a nap, or even take a walk without loading up an educational podcast in order to better myself. Every moment was used to improve.

Today I can sit here and fall asleep right now as the rain falls and a snoring dog lulls me into a place of peace. If you handed me a book and a fuzzy blanket I could enjoy the rest of the day thoroughly- especially if you threw some snacks at me periodically. And I walk our dogs every morning now and 90% of the time I am without phone or earbuds, simply waking up with the birds and the sounds of the seasons drawing me into a new day. I am an entirely different person in many ways and it all was born out of curiosity. 

When I had gut-wrenching responses throughout my day, instead of judging myself for them and running to shame instead I would say (oftentimes audibly), "Well that's interesting. Why does that hold so much importance for me?" I would dig in if I had time or simply wonder in passing if there wasn't room for deep contemplation. But I realized that I don't always make sense. Sometimes I have to go way deep into the onion of thinking before I can figure out why certain things have hit a nerve or why seemingly meaningless things can trigger large responses, while life-changing events can simply be added into the flow of a normal day.

The real work is growing to understand and actually enjoy the person you are and become giddy about being a solid friend to the person you are growing into. This has been my greatest privilege and most impactful work I have done in my whole life. 10/10 would recommend learning to grow in a way that makes it feel like you are coming home to an old friend. And then rejoice at the gift of getting to be with her as she grows!

It is great to buy the new planner and reorganize your room etc. but instead of leaving it up to external, somewhat-surfacey adjustments to propel you into who you can be, let’s consider this as setting the stage for the real good and meaningful work of understanding who we are and why we respond to the world in the way we do. If we give our lives the room and safety to speak to us… what will it say? Or what will we hear? And how can that change us?