There are days when I am so incredibly grateful that it rains. 

I wake up and see the curtains have been given the day off from acting as a prism for the sunlight to dance around our room. Instead the day is giving sleepy heads and slow dogs a moment to come to. There is no pressure to jump out of bed singing "whistle while you work" and there is no pressure to be sunny yourself because it is simply not the vibe. This damp and slowly lit day resembles a permission slip.

When these days roll around I am instantly aware of how much pressure I must feel ordinarily.  

The problem with packed days and color-coded carpool calendars, with worth being based on productivity or achievement, is that this is a gerbil wheel you really cannot get off of. This wheel proves to simply wear you out without getting you anywhere.

So I packed my backpack and went to a coffee shop so incredibly far away from my house. I wouldn't have the temptation of just running a few quick errands instead of sitting and taking inventory of my heart and soul. I am not doing great currently and there are a lot of different things that have added up to one incredibly HUGE onion, but I tend to lash out more on those around me when I don't know that it's me that is not okay. If I never take time to pause and see if I am okay, I end up not being okay.

I have spent years learning about all sorts of fascinating topics like mindfulness and studying whether circumstances or your thoughts about them are truly what motivate your behavior. I have taken classes to become certified in coaching and to use special modalities that are quick and effective when applied to real life. But the thing that begins them all is a pause.

Walking through life knowing that you are not okay with how life is panning out and then doing the exact same thing every day to get through it is literally the definition of insanity. The reason we are not willing to count the cost and genuinely pursue change oftentimes is due to a fear of stopping the motion. What if we pause the motion and it turns out that what we produce really is what marks a life? Then we absolutely will not be willing to risk stopping those actions even to see if it is a life you think is worth living.

Here's the thing: the beauty is in the pause. If I could teach everyone I know and love how to intentionally stop even for a moment I will feel like my entire life has been worth it. Literally stop right now and put your hand over your heart. Breathe in for 4 and out for 6. Realize that you are walking in the body of the very person who is most able to help you experience life instead of just doing life.

"Stop and smell the roses" begins with a stop. Even if just for 60 seconds I encourage you to set a timer and allow yourself space to realize that maybe it isn't what you do or accomplish that brings worth. Maybe the best things to do and accomplish come from the realization that you already have worth. 

How will you ever know if you don't pull out that scientific method from school and test it? I am not advocating that you move to the top of a mountain and become a monk. I am simply asking you to dabble in breaking a cycle that sucks the joy out of life and instead invest in learning a process that brings deep breaths, a sweet gratefulness bubbling to the surface, and an ability to remember it is not all up to us.

Breathe.